Okay, I have to admit it…I’m in a bit of a writing funk. I am suffering from internal conflict. I want to ensure that I portray my mother as the loving, funny, talented, intelligent, quick-witted person she was, while also being honest. As people we are a mixture of wonderful and strange, brilliant and stupid, generous and selfish, loving and sometimes spiteful. My mother, like everyone else was also a mixture. I don’t want to sanitize anything, but I also don’t want to give the wrong impression.
I am learning things about my mother that I never knew – some things that go against the principles she so adamantly impressed upon me. I’m not mad with her for not telling me, and I have to accept that there are pieces to her life puzzle that I may never be able to put together or understand. There is, of course, frustration in that, and I sure would love to sit and have a cocktail with her and ask her a bunch of questions.
If I ever want to get this project truly off the ground, I have to get back to writing. I have to find a way to dig deep, while seeking the truth. There is a balance. But perhaps I have to get the thoughts and words on paper and the truth will rise to the surface through the editing process.
photo courtesy of healthy happysoul.com